Eleiren (lifemovingfwd) wrote,


I saw the response about the photos not working.   I'm figuring that out.

In the meantime, I'm trying to adjust my frame of mind.  It's a little rough because of two factors.   The first is that Cecil is so full of negativity and rain clouds that it keeps focusing me back on the sadness and depression I'm trying not to be a part of anymore.   Their monkeys, their circus.  Life moving forward, not stagnating in misery because of a stubborn refusal to make choices to improve life.  The second part is that I have been here before.  When I shift my focus and my attitude, my view, my perspective, I lose people.   This change, though necessary, is going to likely mean the end for me and Cecil.   I'm eventually going to have to tell him he can choose to be miserable for the rest of his life, or he can choose not to be.  If he chooses to remain in misery though, I'm not staying.   My life is about moving forward, moving upward.  Rough times happen, but I'm done staying with people who are not willing to alter their course when the one they're on is not doing anything but destroying them.    I can't do it because it just destroys me in the process.

But, it's time.  I'm settling in and have my feet under me.  I keep finding myself at least acting in ways that tell me that I'm still not out of the woods, though.  Depression is some sneaky shit.  It keeps trying to hide, but I've seen too much of it in myself and others.

The best way to beat it, for me, is to shift my focus to the positive and also to do stuff despite feeling like not doing it.  The more I focus on the positive, the more I do the things depression says not to do.

So I'm going to do one of those strings of posts about what I'm happy for.  I'm not going to just stop with gratitude though.  I'm going to post what makes me smile, what makes me feel excited, and so on.  Anything that isn't a focus on depression, anything that keeps my eyes looking forward, that's what I'm going to be posting.

Happy reading!  

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